Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Top 10 things about the red line that I didn't miss when I drove into work today

I was just grabbing a fresh glass of water at the office when I remembered that I don't have to take the T home tonight. I drove into work. Rejoice!

For the sake of brevity (and sanity), I will keep this Top 10 list to just 10, and it is focused primarily on the typical red line experiences that happen in colder weather.


10. Loud teenagers yelling politically incorrect words and phrases and cussing at eachother with no regard for the smaller, impressionable children around them.

9. Getting kicked by some nasty little kid in a stroller with his dirty little boots and his clueless, strung out teen mom does nothing about it. (Sidenote -- man oh man, could I go ON about strollers on the T!!!)

8. The nauseating odor of big old puffy winter jackets that have been in storage and never cleaned and absolutely reek of ashtrays, mothballs and sh*t.

7. Getting bumped into repeatedly by a strange old lady who refuses to budge even just 2 inches into the huge amount of space on her other side while I'm squeezed between her and a bunch of loud teenage whores.

6. Getting breathed on by a tall man with liquor breath.

5. Standing in an unknown sticky substance and then obsessing about the kinds of filth that are sticking to me.

4. Freaking out because of a fellow rider with what sounds like whooping cough and does absolutely nothing to cover her mouth and the cough gets louder and more phlegmy each time.

3. Having to cover my nose because of the intolerable odor from those pink grocery bags from Chinatown filled with god knows what kind of rotting produce and fish.

2. Adult men with long fingernails that have black filth caked under the tips.

1. Dry-heaving over curry farts.

Wow -- that was too easy to write and I keep thinking of more!!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Poop

I wish I'd noticed that chunk of poop on the floor in the train this morning before I stepped in it.